Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I like this.

Well, I'm here! I am again, a happy person! I could no longer take it at home with the insults, and comments, and "salads" that were suddenly dotting the landscape at the dinner table. I could no longer take my family staring at me like strangers do on the street. They don't even do a good job of looking away when I catch them looking. If people were supposed to watch me do everything, I'd charge admission! Not to mention the stairs! Having to try and make my way up a flight of staris every time I had to use the bathroom was honestly a little hard for me to take. So Dan came and picked me up.

I put on my arrival outfit for my departure. It emphasised for them the enormity of my body as I made my way out. I went downstairs to let Dan in... I was sooooooooo happy to see him. Then I sat in a chair while he got everything. I could have made the three trips but it looked so much better for them to see me sitting there while he did it... kinda like... "Shes so fat she cant even get her things. It was fun. Finally, I got up said my goodbyes, and got into his car. I was already feeling better that I was with him.

Its not exactly around the corner from Ohio to Massachusets, so it was a lot for him to drive all the way to turn around and go back. I can also say with certainty that a ride that long for me in a small car isnt the best. I mean, I kinda knew that it would get a little rough. For anyone that reads this who isnt big, shifting around in a car isnt easy for us larger types. I found the best way to be comfy was about 1/2 way reclined. I missed a lot of scenery that way, but sitting up was just out of the question. We also sampled the very best in highway rest stop food, and visited lost of rest stop rest rooms! I can say that there must be a company somewhere that designs them for all highways... They are all the same.

I wasnt in the car 14 minutes before I had my first meal! I wanted so much to eat... without them... I wanted the ride home to be like it was... feeding, resting... the whole nine yards. We hit a drive thru before hitting the highway, and sat in the parking lot while i made my way through it all. I told him that this was what I wanted, so he got lots of goodies for the ride. On that trip I have never eaten more fast food in my life. Every few hours we were stopping for another pile of food and a bathroom trip. I bet you I gained weight just on that trip. It was also erotic as hell. We talked and talked about what I had been through, and how much I missed him taking care of me, and feeding me... He promised that the upcoming month would be wonderful. If it is anything like the ride up here, it will be !

We got here, and I was ready to get out of the car! My body isnt used to being confined like that. We pulled in, and I saw the place. Its an apartment over a garage, very nice with a deck off the back. Thats also the way up. (Ugh - I hate "up") By now, I had eaten myself into a fuzzy haze, i was tired... and the last thing i wanted to do was climb stairs, but its not like a I had a choice, so up I went. I went inside and immediately felt at home. He showed me everything, and kept asking me... " are you sure that you really dont want to go anywhere?" I told him that as logg as it was OK with him, the next time I went down the steps was to go to school.

After looking around for a while, i collapsed into the sofa and just relaxed. That sounds like no big deal, but I had not sat down and relaxed for quite some time. Its hard when you know that anyone who might see you is judging you. You never can relax. At least I couldnt. Now I could relax. I could be my very own person and not worry about what any one else is thinking. You know, it sounds really ironic, but the only place a feedee/gainer... or just plain fat person doenst feel like a fat person is at home being a fat person. Just sitting there, no make up, no special clothes, nothing hidding anything.... doenst matter if you look good bad, fat, skinny, youre just you. That was how I felt. I was just me. Not Fat me... just me.

So here I am, happily planted on a couch with no where to go, and no desire to go there! I am happy about it, in fact, im exited about it. Im even, a sleepy person and am going to take a nap.


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